With a string of strong events kicking off the year, King of the Ronalds is suplexing battle rap into 2015 with the launch of Monday Night Raw battles. Because only tempting one big company to sue us just wasn’t enough. Accompanying this whole new gamut of vernacular strife we have what is quite possibly the best UK vs UK card you’ll see this year. So far. It’s the end of the beginning. It’s KotR’s first birthday and we’re going to look at these battles, you and I.
Jaybe vs Lightee the Boombox Genie
Jaybe’s that hobbit-looking guy out of TFN and Lightee can honestly claim to have been in a battle against a 1Xtra DJ… sort of. Solid undercard match which was meant to go down earlier in the year, so both these guys have had serious prep time.
Prediction: With neither having a great number of battles out I have to go on what I’ve seen. I can’t see JayBe losing this unless Lightee has spent some serious time polishing his game. 2-1 JayBe.
EMC vs Mac Sherry
Two hungry young men with a lot to prove. It’s tears vs t-shirts as the two rising stars of KotR collide on the grandest stage. EMC has the edge in confidence and delivery, but can the strong writing, charisma and Naruto-like courage of Mac Sherry swing the balance?
Prediction: EMC has the much stronger track record here with a win over Pedro to his name, even if it may not have felt like it. Mac could surprise us but… 2-1 EMC.
Bowski vs Soljitsu
Bowski, also a hungry young man, continues making his way through the class of 2013 following a hood classic with Frequent Thought. This time he’s up against Soljitsu, one of my personal favorite newcomers of the past couple of years. Two comedic styles, but the similarities end there with Bowskdogg’s riotous humour as different to Jitsu’s dry, rapier wit as night is to day.
Prediction: If both guys have an off-day, Bowski will win because he makes this shit look effortless. But this is the biggest stage in UK battle rap and both men know what’s at stake. 2-1 Soljitsu.
Locksmyth vs Hulk
A heavy battle between two rapper’s rappers. Both of these MCs are heavyweights on tracks and after a couple of warm-up matches, the veteran Locksmyth returns to contend with KotR’s Major General, Hulk. This promises to be a bar-packed treat for the real hop hop fans.
Prediction: Though Smyth’s return hasn’t been slack, Hulk has been on the warpath for some time now and shows no signs of relenting. It’ll be a slobber knocker but… 2-1 Hulk.
Soul vs Cracker
Not as much a clash of styles as of personalities. Soul, the humble champion of the people, heads south to battle the bombastic Cracker. For Cracker, this is his long-awaited break against a true top-tier opponent, his chance to grasp that Promethean fire and prove himself one of the best in the UK. Soul will not make that easy.
Prediction: The battle I’m looking forward to most on the card. If Cracker really eats his mom’s spaghetti that day then we could see a career turning point for him. However, the prosaic battle pundit in me has to play the odds. 2-1 Soul.
Tony D vs Pedro
Our headline battle is the one you’ve all been waiting for. It’s played out to talk about the irresistible force/immovable object thing but here we see the sheer force of nature that is Pedro colliding with the Zen master of character assassination, Tony D, in his final battle performance. A momentous event in UK battle history and worth the ticket price alone.
Prediction: Pedro is a heavy don, he hails from Lebanon and he shots the peng to Austrian men. That being said, Tony D is at the pinnacle of his game right now and has been un-fuck-withable for a long time. 2-1 Tony D.
With battles like that you’d be a right womble not to head to the Good Ship for what is sure to be an afternoon of absolute carnal mayhem. February 21st, high noon, get your tickets NAO!
Oh. And I’m going to bar Reelapse to death. All Hail Discordia.